Leading out of marriage is 'a paradigm shift so radical that it transforms our leadership, our relationships, our parenting, our decision-making, our team building, etc. Virtually nothing remains the same once we 'get' this shift.' - Pete Scazzero
After writing about 'Leading out of Marriage' I was asked what it means to make marriage – not leadership – our first ambition, our first passion, and our loudest gospel message. Well, here's one of my 'not-so-glorious-examples' of what making marriage your first passion certainly does NOT mean: It was some years ago, a Friday evening, and I decided to go and play basketball with some guys instead of spending time together with my wife. Playing basketball is not a bad idea (I often do this at Friday nights) – except when it is your wedding anniversary (!)... Not really a wise decision...
What did God create first – marriage or work? The Bible says: 'So the Lord God took the man and settled him in the Garden of Eden (the land of happiness) to cultivate and keep it.' - Genesis 2,15 (AMP). But before cultivating the land, God decided to make him a helper (v. 18), created a woman and presented her to the man (v. 22). Adam, quite excited, liked her and called her his wife (v. 24), i.e. the woman to whom the man shall be joined (= married). Later, after the fall of man, 'God sent Adam (and his wife Eve) away from the Garden of Eden, to till and cultivate the ground from which he was taken' - Genesis 3,23. God's order is this: marriage first, work second. Not the other way round.
Leading out of marriage means to use and leverage the power of unity as well as the strengths, talents and skills God has given you and your spouse. For example, if you own a business or are in a leading position in your company, try and integrate your marriage with your role as a leader, e.g. be transparent, share responsibility and achieve unity for decisions that have to be taken (e.g. through common prayer). For example, ask each other: "What does God tell you about this specific situation, challenge, or problem?" Leading out of marriage means to allow your spouse to 'rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep' - Romans 12,15, i.e. share the ups and downs in the daily life of a leader (and everybody else). If we do this, and talk about it, we set an example. People might be surprised at first, but they will taste some of God's love and power reflected to the world through our marriages.
Leaders who want to lead out of their marriage (list taken and adapted from Pete Scazzero):
- integrate their marriage with their role as a leader,
- appreciate that the relationship to their spouse is more than the relationship to best friends, colleagues or co-workers,
- proactively and regularly invest time, energy and money to equip themselves for a great marriage,
- do not overfunction in business at the expense of their marriage, but live a healthy balance between their leadership and their personal lives,
- place the highest priority on cultivating a healthy marriage that reveals God’s love to the world. That is their first ambition (and not building a successful business),
- regard leadership as an overflow of their married life.
Prompt: Do you follow God's order in terms of marriage and work? Do you say "I'm a leader and I'm married", or do you want to lead out of your marriage? What do you need to change in order to do so?
